When It Rains, It Pours

Calgary has been raining non-stop this summer. July saw 200 mm of rain with an average of 65 mm, so it provides a good analogue to my life lately. When it rains, it pours. I haven't written in two weeks because my life is falling apart. I can barely handle it, let alone write about how I'm dealing with it. I've hit emotional bedrock, and I have pretty much no ability to deal with it all. One of the top five worst things that I imagined could happen to me has happened in the last two weeks, and I can't cope. It's time to survive, not thrive.

In June, I had three jobs: TELUS, my marriage, and counselling. In July, I thought that by putting one job on hold, I would be creating room for the other two. Instead, a bunch of other problems volunteered themselves for my attention, so my overall stress hasn't really gone down. I am doing better in some senses with the time off, but the floor of my life keeps dropping out beneath me.

I'm sipping on the sweet fizzy drinks pretty hard lately. I know I'm coping with the problems with another problem, but it'll have to do for now. I would love to get rid of this belly, but that's a problem for future Jon to handle. Interestingly, I've lost seven pounds since I stopped working. I'm exercising more and taking Pokéwalks, but it's hard to get around to that all the time. Anyways, mental health first. Physical health if it supports mental health.

I'm here. I want to write, but I figure if I can barely feed myself or get off the couch, this blog is probably the least of my worries. Sorry, folks. I miss connecting with and opening up to you, but it'll be a little time before I can do that again.

Jonathan Phan Lê @jon_le